And so we dream. We sit back and silently cry when we hear of missionaries and distant revivals. And we ask, "can He use me?" We sink back, thinking that He could never use us. How could He use someone who struggles so hard just to live for Him each day?
Maybe it's not even wishing He would use me. Maybe I'm scared if He reaches out to touch me, and whispers in my ear "It's your turn." To fall off the cliff, gasping for breath, in utter abandon. How long have I fallen? Because once you step off, you're committed. There is no turning back. There is no midway. Your paradigm has changed. There is no longer forwards, backwards, and standstill. There is only forwards, and where ever He leads us.
But what do we fear? Is it the fall? Our what we will encounter in that fall? It's that risk. giving up our control. Trusting wholly in Him. But when have we ever been satisfied by normal? When do we feel alive? Whenever we have taken that step. Whether it's a step towards the altar. Thump. Or the step towards a crying stranger. Thump Thump. Telling that perfect someone how we feel. Thump. You hear that? Thump Thump. That's your heart beating. I'll bet you forgot about it. Because the heart that He gave you, it can take so much more. He made you for so much more.
I'm still scared.
But when He calls me. I pray I take the plunge before I think twice. To leap with abandon into what only God can see.